People frequently ask, “What should I tell my children?” My answer is always, “… the truth.” However, information must be conveyed at a developmentally appropriate level. For instance, young children don’t need to hear every detail that may only confuse and upset them—and likely cause greater distress.
Tell children what they need to know, don’t share more information than they’re able to hear, encourage them to articulate their feelings, and answer their questions honestly and directly. And if you don’t know the answer, it’s okay. Tell them that you don’t know.
It’s important that you don’t lie to children in an effort to protect them—even if the truth is painfully difficult. Children will only come to know the truth at a later time. And it’s generally sooner than later. There’s no reason to add additional pain to loss due to feelings of being misled or being lied to. Again, just be sure to share what’s appropriate for the child to hear at his or her age. And if you’re not sure, seek the help of someone works regularly with children.
During a crisis, children, particularly little ones, will take their cues from the adults around them. They’ll model the behavior of the adults in their lives. The problem here is that depending upon their age, and unlike adults, they may lack the ability to use language to express their thoughts and feelings. Instead, we see reflections of what’s going on inside conveyed in their actions—their behavior.
Drawing pictures and coloring, or shaping Play-Doh or clay, can be helpful for children to begin to expose themselves to, and to share their feelings.
Try as best as you can to use your crisis as a powerful learning experience for the children in your life. You’re setting the stage for how they’ll respond to tragedies, both large and small, for the rest of their lives. Again, for further guidance, turn to people who regularly work with children (e.g., pediatricians, educators, counselors, child psychologists, etc.).
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